The parental alienation syndrome describes one parent’s – in most cases the mother- brainwashing of the
children in order to put them on her side and severe the relationship of the children with the other parent. My girls have been and are still victim of it, and the judge ruling on the accusation of child abuse against me have acknowledged it. My girls are sadly not alone. Parental alienation syndrome is a global phenomenon. Non-custodial fathers in the US, England but also Australia and South Africa deplore the painful, sometimes dramatic ending of their relationship with their children, which the mother has turned against him. Torn between the loyalty to the mother and their feelings for the father, children come to adjust their beliefs about their father so that they match their mother’s. They come to believe that their father is the monster that the mother tells them he is. It’s called cognitive dissonance theory. There is nothing difficult to understand there. For the children living with the custodial parent, this is the way to keep functioning.
If, unlike physical domestic violence, it does not leave any visible mark, it is yet nothing less but domestic violence. It is playing with an impressionable mind and heart. I cannot help thinking of the nice amount of years in therapy that my girls are going to need to cope with the war that their mother pulled them in, a war that was not theirs. It is also depriving them of their right to have a much needed relation with their father.
Some feminist groups contest the very existence of parental alienation syndrome. Why? What is at stake is the survival of their own brand of domestic violence. For these generous knights of women and children, domestic violence is the fact of a brute – the man- physically abusing his wife and children. With testosterone lies the devil. For these folks, parental alienation syndrome is bull; it is part of a coordinated and scary effort by fathers and father right organizers. What is the goal of such an effort? It can only be the restoration of some sort of a patriarchal order. Who could the mastermind of this international conspiracy be? Pick one among the ugly usual suspects: Chavez; possibly Bin Laden.
For the contenders of the conspiracy theory, the punch line is that there is not enough data -yet- to support PAS, according to the American Psychological Association and a Task Force gathered around … President Bush. That’s it and that says it all. Like Bush with global warming, these folks will deny PAS until it will not be possible to do so.
Parental Alienation is used by wealthy abusive men to continue to abuse their victims thru the court system and by taking the child away from the mother. It has nothing to do with learning to co-parent. The men who use this phony syndrome in court, do so to facilitate a custody change by fraudulent means. They pay unethical psychologists to make baseless allegations with no evidence whatsoever of anywrongdoing by the protective mother. These psychologists who help these abusers commit fraud by ignoring medical evidence, and multiple findings of child abuse. They ignore calls to CPS by schools, counselors, and guardian ad litems. They are ignoring abuse to the mother and children for years in the case that I know of. They ignore beatings of pregnant women. They ignore arrests, they ignore restraining orders taken out by MALE friends of the Father who also were subjected to the same physical abuse and death threats as the wife and children of the abuser. The abuser doesn’t even have to deny abuse to accuse parental alienation. All the abuser has to do to continue terrorizing a mom and her children is to pay a ;awyer and psychologist. THIS IS FRAUD. False allegations of fictitious syndromes is FRAUD!!!
The DENIAL of PAS by these groups and any disregard for its credibility in the family courtrooms is due in a large part to the addictive processes within those people and groups that blind them to their own similar behaviors.
A good read for this understanding is Anne Wilson Schaef’s When Society Becomes An Addict, Harper and Row, 1986. She too had believed in fact that it was a white male system that did it all to women. She realized the model she had was incomplete. When she found and associated the model of disease and addiction she felt she had completed her thoughts.
Recognition of and recovery from addiction is not readily or easily done. Often help must arrive from outside the ‘system’.
The system itself resists intervention.
We who realize the sicknesses of these groups that are hellbent on destruction of men and children must persevere. Justice for Children and the law firm that associated itself with them, Fulbright and Jaworski, Llp is one that destroyed myself and my daughter with their DENIAL of PAS. They were blind to the true abuser, themselves, and my daughter’s mother. Groups like these will scream at truth before they can begin to hear again. Eventually they will begin to see where exists abuse and subsequently realize it is not a gender issue.
Robert Gartner
In my research on parental alienation, I have found that the effects on children are negative and long-lasting. I also have found that mothers as well as fathers can lose thier children to parental alienation. This is form of child abuse that must be prevented, for the sake of the children.
Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D., author of adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind (WW Norton).
I know all to well about PAS. and the family corrupt court systems .child stealing. as not only one. but 2 families of my children now have been stolin.by fraud. by the very same judge in west virginia. but it was me against all his court pretenders.cps and false domestic violence. first my x. then right with the x. the system also created PAS. and then took all my parental rights. by you name it the system has done it.
slender,libel,pergery,conspeircy,case fixing,file tampering,ect!
not only all this. but all that has happined since. with my children and myself. is like a death sentence. but I have committed no crimminal crime.no jury. and the fixed court record has a person . that is not even close to who I am as a parent .or a person. children need both parents.and the system is very brokin. not only that. but the system is getting paid to destroy your families! and helping to create PAS.
parents!!!!!! work things out for your children. and stay out of the courts. are you may both loose your children. love your children. and keep them safe in both homes. if not together as parents of one house hold anymore.
your children are worth it. also help others as you can .to expose PAS. and all that can come with it.
believe me. The pains are to great to bear.
and your children are not dumb. they hurt also.
all for one and one for all .Russ K. west virginia.
I am currently going through a process that shall we say for the sake of the authors argument not the ‘alienation of children’. I have my son explaining to me that mommy tells them I am very bad and does things to them, like touch their crotchy and stick my fingers up their butts. They are declared by CPS as sexualized children. Worse and sadly not from my minimal contact have they learned some age inappropriate behaviors, language is shall we say fruity, they know about many sexual acts. Worse of all these children just aged 4 and 5. My contact is thwarted by the legal system and my former spouses monumental efforts to elicit a public outcry of ‘child molester’, withholding the children from contact at the flimsiest of excuses and TRO’s. I am in fear as a result of the numerous allegations, that continue unabated. Some resulting in periods of not seeing the children for months on end. Does it end, for me no, I cannot seem to get the industry of domestic violence to realize that this is simply a case of malicious and inverterate fantasy making mommy syndrome. Not at all, we need to complicate things, and look for signs of daddy abuse, and legal revisionism, better yet psychologists and therapists who seem willing to go that extra mile, to find something. The good thing is my daughter if allowed does still come and give me a hug and say’s she loves me, my son is a little more of a challenge. So without the none existent help I need to nip this in the bud, I am sadly looking forward to a unstoppable legal parendectomy.
I have all the evidence I need to prove that something is not right about what is happening, but no platform to adjudicate.
So if I am driven by virtue of the situation from the childrens lives, am I suffering from delusions, a parendectomy or is it ‘alienation’.
May the Lord help us all! As an adult survivor of PAS, I can attest to the unseen abuse and it’s lifetime affects. As an adult woman, who’s ex tried to alienate my own daughter from me, I can attest to the pain of my child. As a step-mom who sees this happening to my husband and his daughter, I can attest to the contribution of the “family court system”. It is deplorable!
The fact is that mothers abuse their children more than fathers do. Yet we never hear this in the news or from our “justice” system. The Dept of Health and Human Services (in conjunction with DCF) regularly keeps running stats showing this, yet they hide them.
Still, these stats do not reflect in any way parental alienation child abuse nor false abuse allegations against the children’s fathers. These are additional mounds of serious and widespread child abuse denied and not accounted for.
Yet the vast majority of courts, court hangers-on, prosecutors, agencies, police, media and universities are bashing fathers. This only helps gang rape these children and their mother too, in the name of protecting them from all of the “bad men and fathers” out there.
We all know about all of the bad men and fathers everywhere you look (and everywhere you can’t see them) because of all the hysteria which abounds about this. There is a general refusal of help for these children, but lots of volunteers to help gang-rape them with parental alienation and false allegations against their fathers.
Those quacks claiming PAS is junk science or does not exist are far worse than those who deny that child molestation exists. They operate in the same ways but on a much higher and participatory level in the child abuse crime.
The effects of PAS on children into adulthood can be worse than molestation. Can we imagine judges and these others denying that molestation exists while eagerly wanting to help gang-molest children? Well, that’s exactly what we have here with rampant court and agency-sponsored PAS.
Ironically, even though these entities are overtly anti-father (you can’t create public hysteria and gain support, power and money out the wazoo through anti-mother hysteria), we’ve noticed how they are more than eager to run mothers through their meat grinders as well. They favor the mothers and “help” them, but in the end, it all backfires and hurts the mothers too. It abuses and ruins their children and this further hurts the mothers too…
Mothers whom they entice and promise rewards to for making false allegations and alienating their children most often have serious mental illnesses. Their already hellish lives form mental illness could most often be alleviated if only these parasitic agencies, attorneys, feminists, media and judges would just permit it. But they simply can’t. They must exploit and abuse these mothers.
In the many cases I’ve seen where the mothers are being alienated from their children, these agencies won’t help these mothers or their children either. Whoa, didn’t we all think they were only and solely anti-father??? Even though we have overtly anti-father agencies and courts, they really and truly don’t give a damn about mothers either.
Actually helping these moms and their children would deflate and decimate their fattened industry seriously. They show no concern for children whatsoever, though the pretense is high for doing the exact opposite of what they do. Of course they must deny the existence of PAS to survive and continue to thrive. They truly do resemble something far worse than gang-molesters.
It’s all a game to them, just power, agenda and business. They are more than willing to pretend to favor and help mothers while chewing them up too, adding them to their feast of father’s and children’s flesh at their banquet table. But their most favorite dish of all is the tender flesh of children, especially little girls, as so many of us have seen and wondered why.
Remember, the worst predators have always historically hunted in packs, in the name of protecting and saving us and our children. That will never change. Having to call them on the carpet and publicly embarrass, expose and chase them out of town will also never change.
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=2879
The True Abuse/False Alienation Scam
by Katie Stanton
There are false allegations of fictitious syndromes going on all over the country and around the world. Horrifically abusive men, armed with lots of money, use false allegations of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) as a strategy to annihilate their families.
Instead of doing this physically, these abusers are using family court to inflict the damage. The men who claim to be “alienated” often will repeatedly call in false abuse reports on the mother, which is ignored in court proceedings and by the PAS-accusing evaluator.
These same men will attempt to “coach” the child to say bad things and make false allegations against the mother. When the child reports the father for his abuse (including parental alienation tactics), the father falsely claims alienation by the mother. It is a reign of terror, with the child as the ultimate victim.
There are some of the frequently elements of the abuse/false alienation scam. These behaviors often start during the relationship–they’re not something that occurs as a result of divorce, but instead are often the reason for the divorce. They are:
Abuse frequently either begins or escalates during pregnancy.
Abuse can be physical and/or sexual.
Threatens to take the children if the victim mom leaves.
Threatens the life of the mom and/or children.
Extremely emotionally abusive and controlling.
Coercive control is constant.
Stalking.
Harassment by any means possible, phone, email or any other means of communication. Communications are with the intent to inflict emotional distress.
False accusations of infidelity.
Interferes with wife/mom’s work.
Keeps mom and kids from having friendships with other people, and relationships with her own family, wants to only be with his relatives and friends.
Financial abuse (may incur bills and refuse to pay any, forces mom/wife to take on debt to keep family afloat while simultaneously undermining work of wife/mom).
Wife/mom will try to get help for husband/dad, and NOT immediately leave. Wife/mom will refuse to prosecute, only to later have this be extremely detrimental.
CPS involvement due to domestic violence and child abuse reports called in by people other than the mom. Mom will be terrorized with every report because she is at risk of losing kids to CPS.
Abuse against child that child discloses to mom while still married or in relationship. Mom will choose to work with dad on this personally.
Mom gets threatened by CPS with failure to protect while married or in relationship.
Visitation may be stopped for valid reasons.
Child is a pawn, the ways and means of continuing the abuse on the mother while inflicting great harm on the child.
Child will often be abused in front of mother intentionally during exchanges.
Child exchanges are just another opportunity to inflict harm on mom and child in any way possible. Calling all day, changing times, changing locations, repeatedly and obnoxiously.
Father refusing to return child from visitation.
Father will often have wealthy parents (and usually highly abusive and controlling father).
Father’s parents will also engage in the terrorizing of mom and kids, and will also make threats and file false reports. Father’s parents function like tag team of bullies.
Father will have visitation, then falsely claim that he was denied visitation. (Valid reasons for schedule changes are claimed to be “alienation.”)
Father will receive phone calls, and school correspondence, then falsely claim that the calls were not long enough or meaningful enough, etc and that he did not receive ENOUGH information from school or may falsely claim that he received nothing when opposite is true.
Mother will comply with every order in great detail, while father disobeys, but father will file for false contempt claim in order to commit custody exchange fraud.
Father only needs to lie to psychologist, who then does nothing to corroborate any information, and psychologist will come to court and falsely accuse parental alienation without any evidence. Courts will listen to paid expert and vilify the protective parent to the delight of the abuser.
Father is expert at “crazy-making” This behavior distorts reality and destroys the possibility of honest communication. This is a very effective device to increase confusion and insecurity in the victim. It also makes the victim mom have to continuously defend in court.
In these cases, of course the child is fearful of the father. The children will be telling the truth, and the psychotic father is claiming they are lying. He forces the children to undergo evaluations and reunification therapy in efforts to have these psychologists “brainwash” the children into believing the father’s alternate version of realty.
The children are tortured by unethical lawyers and psychologists profiteering off the case under the direction of the abuser dad, who is usually a very skillful and charming liar. The litigation will go on endlessly, as the protective parent desperately tries to shield the child.
This tactic of the true abuser using false allegations of alienation is an extreme form of emotional battering, and is a way of continuing to inflict abuse. The child will resent the true abuser even more, because of the hell they are being put through in order to exact revenge on the mom. False allegation of this fictitious syndrome–Parental Alienation Syndrome–is a fraud and needs to be exposed.
You need to wake up. I know there are abusive men & women out there & I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt, I have too, but it’s unrealistic to assume every alienated parent is “a wealthy abusive male”. It’s ridiculous to assume no parent has ever tried to alienate in any of these thousands of stories of families ripped apart. Call it what you will, Parental Alienation, Hostile Aggressive Parenting, Toxic Parenting, whatever it’s NAME is, it happens. It’s relentless, it’s terrible, & it’s destructive. It’s not about women vs. men. Both sexes alienate children, period. Keep that old fight out of it. This is about kids being torn away from parents & entire families, when there is NO GOOD REASON to deprive the child of their family relationships. If there’s truly abuse going on that’s a different issue needs to be discussed elsewhere.
We’re great parents, never abusive, ever. Biological mom was bitter, jealous, & obsessed with revenge. “I wish to god you weren’t (child’s) dad but time WILL change that.” & “Stepdad is (childs) dad NOT you!” She’d dose him up on albuterol before pickups. Wouldn’t even tell us he had asthma or send his rescue inhaler. She’d send him up sick or with multiple untreated ear infections. She’d call & text sometimes 30-40 times a day, & try to make child sad for being with usShe tried false allegations of kidnapping & abuse, after she sent our son over for his court ordered visits she’d call police & say we’d abducted him! She’d call police during visits & say he was covered in bruises but the police soon realized it was fake allegations. One said “How would she know if there were bruises that occurred during this visit when she hasn’t seen the 3yr old boy since drop off 2 days prior?” Crystal ball? No, she just made stuff up to put us thru hell & try to ruin the poor boy’s time with us & make it a bad scary thing for him. & when that failed she refused to help him when he said he was getting molested at her babysitter’s. She’d said “Sign over your rights & this’ll all go away.” She made it so the only way to protect our son from MOLESTATION was to sign the consent for stepparent adoption she sent. & she BRAGGED about it to her friends, how she got rid of (child’s) daddy! It happens, it’s ugly. If you are truly against abuse you will stop pretending this doesn’t happen.
Kathie,
I still don’t get why “father is expert at crazy-making” and how all these evil fathers would conspire to ruin their children and their family. We are back to a delusional father conspiracy.
Pierre
KATHY, YOU NEED TO GROW UP!!
THEIR ARE FATHERS THAT HAVE ALSO BEEN THROUGH THIS TORMENT FROM MOTHERS.
FATHERS HAVE ALSO BEEN ACCUSED OF MOLESTING THEIR THEIR OWN CHILDREN AND HAVE BEEN THROWN IN PRISON for 5 to 10 yrs. EVEN THOUGH THE MOTHERS LIES ARE PLENTIFUL.
JUSTICE SYSTEM IS BROKE AND INSTEAD OF BLAMING PEOPLE!!.WHY DON’T YOU START HELPING, WE NEED A TOTAL REHAUL OF THE JUSTICE SYSTEM. WE NEED TO SEE THE TRUTH IN JUSTICE. NOT GIVE THE JUDGES AND DISTRICT ATTORNEY’S THE POINTS THEY NEED TO MOVE UP TO THE NEXT STEP OF THE LADDER.
100% CONVICTION RATE MEANS THEY PROSECUTED EVERYONE THEY TIRED IN COURT.
HOW CAN THAT BE? EVERYONE IS GUILTY?
I DONT THINK SO, PRISONS ARE OVER CROWDED AND FATHERS HAVE TO SERVE MORE TIME THEN JUST FIVE YEARS IF THEY DONT TAKE PART IN A SEX OFFENDERS PROGRAM.
GET REAL . THERE ARE MORE PROBLEMS IN THIS WORLD THEN YOU MAY THINK.
LIVE A LITTLE AND HELP FIGHT WRONGFUL CONVICTIONS.
My brother has been going through PAS for the last 9 years. His ex-wife defies all court orders and gets away with it. She is on probation and still refuses to let him see his kids. They now tell him it will be 2 years before he can get a court date. What happens to the kids during this time? The mother also has Munchausen’s syndrome but “nobody can prove it”. The stunts she pulls go on and on. Too much to mention for this blog. She brainwashes the kids into hating their dad and our family. Her justification is that the my brother is gay and since she is involved in the church it is ok to withhold a relationship from the kids and theri dad. The sad thing is she is teaching the kids to hate, lie, and be disrespectful. I am sure she is the Sunday school teacher at church.
Hello:
Parental Alienation is very real — and it both mothers and fathers are targeted parents. The real victims, however, are the alienated children.
We recently wrote a book people dealing with alienation might find helpful. The book, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation is now available at our new website — http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com. The book is also available on Amazon.com; however people will receive it faster if they order it from our website.
We created the new website to coincide with the release of the book. If you have the old Hugs to Heartbreak website bookmarked, in your contact information, or as a link on your webpage, please replace it with this new URL. If you are interested in a link exchange, please go to http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com/resources/ and fill out the Submit a Resource form.
We wrote A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation to raise the visibility of an issue that as you know, affects millions of parents, children and extended family members every year. We’re confident A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation will help anyone dealing with this very painful situation and educate the legal and mental health professionals involved in these cases.
If you order a copy, please provide a comment about the book on the new website or on Amazon. We look forward to your feedback.
Sincerely,
mike “jeff” jeffries
Author, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation.
I just wanted to say violence of any kind is unacceptable no matter what gender the perperator and victim are and I have seen it happen both ways.
Otherwise, I agree 100%.
I would just like to say that I can sympathize with being wrongly accused. I reported what my son told me about his father many years ago and was painted as a crazy, psychotic over reactor after my son retracted what he said. My husband immediately falsely accused me of PAS…and I might mention there was no divorce or custody going on at the time. Now, several years later, there is a divorce going on because my now adult daughter has exposed what he did to her that I never knew about. Go figure. BE CAREFUL. Just because a mother reports abuse doesn’t mean she has PAS. Sometimes its real. Sometimes PAS is used by clever perpetrators to get away with it. I wonder about psychologists and lawyers that seem hell bent on believing it…it makes me question their psyche…
I am a father that has reached the end of control and legitimized familial abuse supported by a rigorous campaign of PA by my ex and my own mother who did the same to my father. The ‘lid’ of this campaig was finally rejected and refused by my daughters and our relationships are well under repair. Its been really difficult tearing down the layers of bs and/or cognitive dissonance because most of the time the lies are so insidious that they wrap neatly and concisely around the truth. Luckily my ex didn’t destroy my letters to my children, she sent them back, so for some things I have at least a time stamped perspective of the environment.
My ex is bipolar manic with schiz tendencies. Her dad was a wealthy chemist. The PAS campaign includes the drug induced rape and molestation of my youngest daughter by my ex’s boyfriend from the age of 8-12. My ex protected her boyfriend by gaslighting my daughter to the Chino, CA PD. The PD didn’t even report this to California Child Support Services, they didn’t inform me… they did absolutely nothing and the statute of limitations has run out. I cannot help but connect my mother to the rape as on the very day she forced the FBI to take a mixed-race child out of the white community, to take me from my father and have her queen uncle rape me that very night.
Yeah… it totally disgusts me when people deny the existence of this contrived condition. There is a commonality in those who deny PAS, they deny it vehemently and violently, they are mostly female, and when the children become adults the truth comes out like a flood: and courts still do nothing, burying loving fathers in financial hardship or worse. PAS is real.
Taking a child away from a parent by force, fraud or manipulation happens. The fact that parents do it, does not make it fiction.