Yesterday February 5, I called New York State Child Support Help Line (1 888 208 4485). At the beginning of this month, I discovered that $1875 had been garnished out of my paycheck. That is 32.6% of my gross income, instead of the 25% for two children that New York State Child Support Laws stipulate. My child support obligations are $1,250 a month and I have a pending case in court for unreimbursed medical expenses that are not reimbursed because ex-wife does not want to use my health insurance. I wanted to know who was the sensitive fellow who made the decision to leave me with just enough money to cover my rent and utilities. No food for me this month.
The nasty New York Child Support Help Line operator (whose call center is not located in India, I checked with her) brushed away my concerns. 32.6% of my gross income gone? Peanuts. The State can legally garnish up to 65% of your gross income. In fact I am a lucky man, and the bureaucrat from New York State Child Support Processing Center in Albany who deals with my case a sensitive fellow indeed.
Let see. You are the average fellow whose income and payroll taxes amount to 30% of your gross income. New York State garnishes another 65% of your gross income. You are left with 5 cent out of each dollar you earn. If you are taxed more than 30%, you are left with literally nothing.
New York State residents are blessed. In addition to Jim Crow Policing in New York City (read the excellent Bob Hebert Op-Ed piece in the February 2 New York Times), we have Jesse James family justice for non-custodial parents. The State strip searches you and takes everything you have in your pockets. Until next time.
When and how come have theses laws ever been enacted? When are these politicians – republicans and democrats- who voted these laws going to be sacked out of office?
NY child support law is the worse in all the states. What happen to “Family Value” what happens when one of the parent holds a child hostage and demands the other parent to pay child support until the child turns 21? I bought my child into this world and took care of her until she was 19yrs 4mths old. After then she kept on getting in trouble with the law (drinking and driving, thief, drugs etc) I mentioned this to her no good father (who never paid child support)about what was happening and he assured me that he will take her to live with him until she changed her attritude. Well to my surpise “The LOW LIFE” father took me to court asking for child support and told the court that I kicked out the child from my home. New York court do not want to hear anything, they informed me that I have to pay the NO GOOD XXx money. What a joke is this system, they should of have a case worker looked into this matter and see what is best for the child. (which is getting her attitude right by obeying the law wether if be home or state or country) and not taking advantage of a innocent women who is trying to make ends meet and also taking care of 2 other children who really need the support. I give NY child support a F on law and family.
They cannot garnish 65% of your gross income but 65% of your disposable income, If you are going to bitch about paying your support at least get your facts straight, idiot.
Bitch about paying child support….!!!!!! The system rapes the fathers!!!!! and the law needs to change. I am married to a very loyal hard working man who’s ex-wife cheated on him for a whole year…. left him to be with the boyfriend and ripped her two kids from a family life with their father. She now lives with the boyfriend and had a baby with him then quit her job!!!!! She wants to live off of her boyfriend and our hardworking money and not take any financial responsibility what-so-ever because you know why??? The system allows that!!! I now have a son with my husband…. We have to pay her 800 a month. That leaves us with a negative amount after the mortgage and bills are paid…. no money at all for us to live off of…..our child who is only 2 needs milk and diapers….. but does the system give a shit about my 2 year old. I highly doubt “bitching” is even the word. Children need to be taken care of….ALL children!!! from broken homes and from a home with both parents…. and when you are trying to do the right thing for ALL of your children but can’t afford anything b/c a cheating lying ex-wife who doesn’t wanna work and live off the system steals all your $ b/c she can,,,,, that is when something is wrong!!! VERY WRONG!!!!
Annonymous…you are completely WRONG.. I have the papers here that state the percentages and your right that does NOT show a rate of 65%, however I ALSO have a COURT document from the New York State Child Support Unit stating they do NOT HAVE TO use your CURRENT wages to determine Support. They can use their ESTIMATED, what they feel your EARNING potential could be so when they set the Child support if your only making $7.25 an hour and THEY FEEL you could make $20..it will be the $20 an hour they base it on which could be WELL OVER 65%. NOBODY is bitching about having to support their children, however there should and needs to be some fairness on how that happnes!
Senator Kenneth LaValle, 188 State St., Rm 806, Legislative Office Building, Albany, NY 12247…Sorry I did not include his address. Please send him our experiences with the NYS Child Support…Thanks, CG
i to had a simmiler story i have joint custady both legal,and phisical and ther so called mother has 3 counts of neglect on her and i am the bad parent because i refuse to kiss there mothers XXX so she turned them aginst me and now im paying support I to give NY child support a F on doing the right thing and on fairness i shuld have full custady i have no neglect charges on me but no im not a woman ..what a joke 06/25/2011 happend -today 3/29/2013 so hang in there your not the only one
my husband has been fighting with his x for 6 years over seeing his girls….every year she deletes, changes and makes up new rules and stips in her head that she says are in the visitation agreement…Until now neither of the children were willing to speak up since the mom is a bully and a bit unstable to say the least…We are in small claims court every time we wont give her money for yet again something that she isnt entitled to…..Our judical system screws the father at every turn. He pays his child support, gives extra for grad expenses and such when he can, send bday and xmas gifts and hasnt seen them on their bday or a xmas since the divorce…We will be going back to family court soon to change the visitation to reflect sleep overs, weekends and holidays wish us luck…..The thing that is upsetting as well the ny city police dept doesnt want to be bothered when u call and say help me i cant see my children,,,even to file a DIR (domestic incident report) he is grilled each and every time he goes and is told i would never wait this long to see my children from a police officer who has never been married or even had children yet!
Hi D,I feel your pain. My husband has been fighting wth his x for 10 years. We get screwed every year. My husband has been a new york city police officer for 25 and a half years. Together we have 4 children and we would like to have more.that’s not gonna happen. The support unit took our entire tax return to cover rears. The sad part about that is the rears and reg support come directly out of his pay check every 2 weeks. We haven’t seen my stepkids in over a year. We are being forclosed on. Because of the cs payments we can’t afford are mortage. The court don’t care. They tell my husband to get 4 jobs if you have to. I’ve written to polititions and the local paper I’ve asked people to write to nan hayworth and complain about the laws. It really sucks that my 4 kids go with out and are not intitled to the same life needs as the kids being paid for. My stepkids are 19 and 17.mine are all under 11 years of age. Please write to nan hayworth. I would also like to get a rally going in front of the family courts to let them know how many people think they are unfair and laws need to be changed. Like th age limit. It should be 18 not 21.
I feel your pain, I am a mother paying support, my son is 19… I also lost my house to pay support… Now they are taking 50% of my pay, I was unemployed for 6 weeks, they took 300 from the unemployement check leaving me with 100. It gets harder and harder each day to care for my 13 year old who does not get support from his father who is unable to pay (different fathers) .. we have moved yearly, each year cutting back… I agree… it should be 18… when I turned 18… I was working.. if you wanted to go to college you had to pay…
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I have been fighting for six years. I have been out of work as an engineer for almost five years having to work peanut jobs for far less money. They base my support on what I made as an engineer, years ago. I have gone in for a modification multiple times and have been railroaded every time. They take 62% of my net pay which leaves me with $46/week. This is for one child. Back to court in a couple of weeks. This keeps me from living, seeing my beautiful daughter and having any money to move forward. Albany Family court has been found the 5th worst court in the entire US for the last 4 years for favoring women in 92% of their cases. How can we fix this for us and future fathers and their children. It causes much suffering for both but never the Mothers whom take direct advantage of laws that should not exist. I am slowly dying here, COME ON!
well i have 2 say this 4 all the brothers out there,that has a child by the nice little white girl in buffalo,that u no the big black guy had a baby by u no that game.well thats the shit i’am dealing with my daughter mother,and the courts.for 11 years,i’ve been fighting 2 just c my daughter,and its funny,that a women who have lied in court b 4,still they beleave that bitch over me.i’ve never been in jail,or do drugs,nor drink,so the courts had 2 change there tactics,just make it hard,and hope that i will give up,but i fooled them i didn’t.cause we as brothers we make babys,and leave,or so thats what they want to say.get a white girl pregnet,and leave them,i fooled them all.yes i pay childsupport,cause i’am not goin 2 let my child suffer,cause people in buffalo cant handle that there is a mix kid.its funny how they r though.the white lady judge,now mind u shes been the judge 4 11 years now,and we went 2 court in june 2010,cause they wanted 2 know F i had any concerns about her goin back 2 her mom,afther cps took her from her mom 4 9 years.i told yes i have concerns,but i know it doesnt matter,it was just more like bring me in to court to force it down my throat i geuss.but at the end of everything the judge said,now mind u she been the judge 4 11 years,she said oh! i c u adrian have a cps case opend,and oh i do?then she looked at my ex.who like i said is well known to lie,she said do u know he has a cps case opend,and my ex said no,then the judge looked at her paper,oh thats the wrong social security number,and i said u people r a joke,cause she been on the case 4 11 years,she new i didn’t have a cps case opended,but thats how they r,i don’t fuck with them people.so not only childsupport is bad,but the whole court system is fucked.
what else is new.write to anybody that will listen.i just sent a letter to wash. dc, to have the bradley amendment abolished and how ncp,s are finaniclly raped buy family courts. you can start by blaming bill and hilary clinton,they both insituted this scheme.
e, childsuport is a joke, my ex call and told me thank you for pay my house rent.. what the WTF ..
Please read a pending bill in the Senate Open Legislation bill # S4547-2011, this bill will reduce a parent’s child support obligation by the amount of social security benefits received by the child. Send your support for this bill and send to other in NYS.
It is very interesting to me that all of these responses are from the non custodial parents who are obligated to pay support. I am sure that I am not the only custodial parent with a different perspective. I have 3 children with my ex husband. We are both in new relationships with people who also have children from previous marriages. The way I see NYS’s law of percentages is as a gross disadvantage to the custodial parent. In our divorce agreement it clearly states what my ex is obligated to pay based on his self represented income (he owns his own business). Since we separated, I went back to work and the divorce agreement also clearly spells out what my financial obligation is for the children based on my income. I make about 1/3 of what he makes and I will tell you that what I provide for our children from my income is more in the way of 90% of my income, not the 29% he is fortunate enough to skate by with. I did not seek alimony even though I was entitled based on NYS criteria as I am willing and able to support myself. I merely wanted our children to be provided for the way they had been when we were together. However, he continues to try and reduce his support stating that his income has begun to reduce due to market changes all while he lives a very comfortable lifestyle for himself. Raising children is expensive, they have constant needs and wants from entertainment to enrichment to school activities and clothing. The list really goes on and on. This sets up an unfair expectation that the custodial parent must incur the costs of all of the must haves and not have any left over for the fun to haves with the children, while the non custodial parent gets to preserve income for the fivalities. I am fine with sacrificing my needs for theirs, but I am unsure why non custodial parents do not have to do the same.
Michelle,
I respect you. But in my case I have been paying child support for 16 years. My ex has worked a total of two years in that 16. I am not talking about two years at a time. I am saying two years total. A month here two months there. So why dosen’t child support enforcement go after her for her half of the supposed support.The have taken my drivers license, my passport, and I have been to jail three times. I am thirty thousand plus in arrears. I pay 635 a month for two kids. I currently make less than 20,000 a year.They take the max allowed by law out of my check and have been doing it for 8 years. But since it does not equal my obligation my arrears keep adding up. Every time i change something the want me to run to new york and go to court. I live in Indiana and cannot afford to eat muchless travel to new york . Now my kids do not live at home and have not for over a year. There mother was evicted from her apartment. So my children live with her sister ( my daughter) and a friend (my son) so why is she still getting my support and not the people really supporting them. And why is she not obligated to do her share to support them.
Gary get in touch with your states legal aide office and ask for help. secondly get another job and find a lawyer willing to help at least to get your children so support will be on her. you have to rob a bank to to get the arrears off (courts hate that) lol just kidding about robbing bank. if the kids do not live with her then why not with you. you have the job and a place for them . put in the work to take them.
Michelle,
I respect your opinion and feel for your situation (as I myself am in a very similar situation). In my divorce my husband was granted the opportunity to LOWER his Child Support payments from $147 a week (which even I felt was too much for him to pay with is income being $9) to a measly $20 a month (which is outrageously unfair). My Ex does not even so much as send our kids a card on their birthday..I know I know the price of stamps is way to high (sarcasm). HOWEVER THAT BEING SAID, it is US and our situations that seem to be in the minority. There needs to be a fair and just balance. FIRST I think NEW YORK STATE should take MANY things into consideration….why is this dad not in the picture…as some of the posters here have attested to some of them are not in the picture by CHOICE of the MOTHERS.; Lets let that play a role…lets take these mothers who LURE THE KIDS over the heads of these dads….and do whatever is necessary to milk NOT ONLY the dads but the STATE itself!!! My current Fiance..and mind you we can’t even consider marriage even though she has a child and married to the man she left him for because NY State has wanted MY INCOME statements to help base his child support on. He was paying the required child support amount as stated by the court and when the next court date came the judge ordered MORE money to be paid weekly and not $10 -$20 NO $115 more a week (EVEN THOUGH his income DID NOT GO UP) he only makes $10hr. So now his payments are $200 a week, and the worst part was they back dated their “Increase” to almost 1 year so he was put $6000+ in the arrears, which means he has lost his license as well. This goes beyond unjust and fair. The NEW YORK STATE child support system is severely broken! When they can decide (and I have the court papers and court cases of examples they gave) they can base child support on the POTENTIAL earning income as opposed to the actual income. My fiance is left with $25 A WEEK to live and that is without paying a dime towards arrears. You tell me please how anyone could support themselves on $25.
Senator Kenneth LaValle has a Bill S2005 pending for child support in favor of the non custodial parent. Please, Please send your experiences with NYS Child Support to him, he is trying to do something. We cannot keep sharing our horror stories to our group…WE MUST SEND THE SENATOR A COPY OF OUR HORROR STORIES.. I firmly believe he can help the non custodial parent….Thanks, CG
CG and everyone else for that matter,
We do not need more people defending the dead beat parents that don’t want to pay support. If they are garnishing your wages so you are left with nothing go back to court with proof and it will be changed. Or never fall behind. My husband has been on both sides of this and although we know the system doesn’t work right, instead of bitching about it we paid what needed to be paid, that included back child support wth him bringing home little to money a week. Now we deal with getting so little in child support it won’t even cover the cost of school lunches. But we deal with it instead of fighting in and out of court because it is what’s best for the child. When we were paying out a ton, I worked more for the extra income and my husband picked up extra hours as well. I have a friend who is in a similar situation, they are holding his tax return for 10 weeks even though his support is caught up, all because nys takes information from August to determine whether or not you are behind. Do you know what he’s doing? Working extra hours. Yes he’s mad, he’s upset he’s been having more then half his paycheck go to his money hungry ex for well over a year. Fact of the matter is, it’s been this way forever it will never change. For those of you saying you don’t have custody because your ex lied then took of with you child, you’re lying. We’ve gone through custody court probably more than most people ever will and my step son is only 10. We’ve dealt with child protective services, we know the ins and outs of court. They don’t let someone just take your child. Grow up admit you screwed up, and pay your support. I know it’s not always fair, but without sufficient proof that you are not bringing home any money the judge won’t change anything because so many deadbeat parents try to get out of paying support. For those of you who truly are getting screwed by the system, know that you are not alone but it can be changed with proof. Contact a lawyer, talk to them see what you can do. There is no need in paying one to go to cs court with you but you can at least get a consult and find out what you can do.
Valerie what bothers me about some parts of your statement is you seem to make it look as if those of us who are being wronged by the system shouldn’t complain about it, shouldn’t voice our displeasures in being unjustly victimized by the state of NY armed with a deceitful parent. What most of us are saying here is that we HAVE been treated unfairly and we SHOULD NOT have been. Taking nothing away from the experiences you and your spouse have gone through with the family court system you should keep in mind EVERY case is DIFFERENT. You say if things aren’t done fairly “go back to court” and PROVE to the (in most cases) very same judge who threw the book at you that he/she were initially wrong in their assesment of the case! Please, most judges are NEVER quick to reverse their decisions! I’m not sure whether its the ego or the fact that they just don’t give a damn or maybe they have gone through a similar situation and just want to screw someone else over! (ie Misery loves company). The point, it’s NEVER a simple fix going BACK to court. Everytime an attempt is made to lower the support or do any type of modification to the status quo your are met with some kind of opposition. I believe what many of us are finding out on this site is we are not alone in this injustice and there needs to be more done to even out the unfairness. For you to imply that we are complainers or bitching about this unjust system is a slap in the face because sometimes hearing of the trails and tribulations one is going through is shared by others often gives the strength to persevere AND bring forth an initiative to facilitate CHANGE. I’m sure you and your husband would benefit if relief of this financial burden were alleviated by one of the bitching individuals if not all when some measure of fairness is initiated.
Dextro is 100% right. I am on both sides I am the custodial parent to my 2 children and my ex is only required to pay $20 a month, which I have NOT EVEN SEEN, while my fiance who makes the same $$ as my ex is being required to pay $200 a week!!?!! How is that fair and just?!?!?! We both have tried for modifications and where denied! My case I was told it was due to him not making enough money it would put him below poverty level, while the same is true for my fiance. He was told in his case…basically oh well .We came base it on what we feel you could make…..
Support has to be paid, i get that, but what we all forget about is the courts, states, government serve US the people. The help line is a collection agency (third party) for the state. Look how the offices of CSU are set up; security guards, metal detectors bullet proof glass windows- under cover or in investigation buildings(feds or higher law enforcement). Paper pushers behind the desk whom you have to deal with whom have no power to help you(most have attitudes and judge you negatively).The money is really for the state to invest in money pits. No one ever ask why when the funds are collected after the taxes it takes so long to reach the children a week after. the money is un-tax income like drug money, they invest it with billionaires then send it off to the collecting parent once profit is made and returned. if you pay taxes that means you pay government and all its agencies but in most cases because we are ignorant to the facts we can not react or get help to avoid the bull.Lawyers can not help you because they need the courts and state on they side. The problem starts with us the parents whom do not communicate. one feels she is not getting enough solely on emotion and self-fish behavior or the other cause they are bitter the relationship is over. No one is thinking of the children welfare or what they have lost two parents . Bills do not stop coming and that’s realty and now incomes and luxuries have to change because the labor is not being shared any more. I have learned this the hard way. know what your getting into when it comes to relationships because its a business like any other. and remember scavengers lurk around things that are dead. if you got that then your on the level.
Sorry Michelle but you are nuts. I pay 24% of my GROSS for my two 20 year old kids who have jobs, own their own cars, but live at home. I could buy them a furnished 2 bedroom apt and pay all their bills for 1/2 of what I pay in child support!!! NYS does not care about the quality of life children have with the non custodial parent. I cannot afford to do ANYTHING with my kids when I have except hang out in my apartment which I can barley afford. They love me and want to see me but its got to be very boring for them. I Know what the expenses were in my old house and she gets way more then she needs, what about her paying for something???? The judge totally ignored the state rules when she assigned child support she even said ” I feel those numbers are old and low” in regards to what NYS says child support is supposed to be based on both are salaries. There is no reason NYS should require payment till 21 years of age either. Plus you have to pay no matter how often you have the kids. If I take them for 2 weeks my child support should be cut in half that month!!!! They always run news stories on the dead beats…What about those of us getting screwed by NYS!!!!!!
Man I am with you. I have my kids all the time. I had my kids for 3 weeks straight and still had to cut a check. My CS gets adjusted EVERY year after I file my taxes. I can’t even get a second job for min wage because that gets garnished the following year!!
My son is going to lose his home because of all the liens his x-wife and her attorneys fees she did not pay, his credit is down the toilet. He pays extra in child support for one child, they take part SS Disability and 17% of his pension check. Senator Steven LaValle has a bill S4547 to credit SS Disability and VA Disability towards child support because these monies are earned $$ that my son made. My son has written letters to several senator to support this bill he has received positive responses in support of this bill. I AGREE with all of you that the courts and child support agency is a disgrace and non-custodial parents do not have a chance.
Thank you Melinda for expressing mine and your disgust with NYS courts. I am in total agreement with your sentiment. My son is in a similar circumstance and I am outraged. She got the house, the contents, the bank accounts plus $20,000 in cash and he is left destitute and facing jail since he has no been able to pay support at the $1525.00 per month the court imposed. I am so upset by this all, and disgusted with NYS courts and the biased judges. Good luck to you and your son.
Federal Poverty Level while living in NYS what is the Child Support obligation. Living on SSD since 1994 to date August 2012. Our child was born 1998. Please inform me what the “BLACK LETTER of LAW is in NYS.
I am a mother paying child support… 5 years ago I lost my house to pay support, because they took 65% of my salary… now they are taking 50% for one child who is 19, I was recently unemployed (in which they took 300 leaving with a 100 a week) they are leaving me with nothing to care for my other child, who does not get support from his father who is unable to pay. how is this child support… at this age they can enlist in the army and vote… they drive and work jobs…
wow its refreshing to see another mother paying like me they did the same to me, they leave me no money for my 2 other kids! its not fair in the least!!!
First of all I’m a custodial parent. I’ve worked 2 jobs for 15 years. I am not a wealthy woman or well off but happy with what I’ve accomplished on my own. Unfortunately there are to many CP out there that will go for everything they can get. I went to CS court a few years ago and asked for an increase.It had been 8 yrs since I had an increase, though that was my choice. What they wanted to give me was ridiculous. My X has a new family and other children(been divorced for 15 yrs) so what did they expect him to live on? What kind of an example would I be to my daughter? I could not do that to his family. When I told the judge I couldn’t do that and I suggested half the amount they were going to give me, he kept asking me if I was sure and seemed a bit irritated that I wouldn’t rake him over the coals. The courts are blood suckers yes, but what about the CP sitting in court trying to get every last drop of blood they can. Maybe the custodial parents need to take more responsibility for their children and get a job or a second job? Show your children that you have to work to get what you want and not leach off the system and other people. Even after all this her dad was very mad he had to pay any increase… tried to tell him it coulda been worse but I totally remember there’s a reason why we’re divorced
The most important thing should be the children and their happiness and well being, not how full the parents wallets are.
Hi,
Thanks for your comment.
I am not sure to understand all the details of your situation, but it seems important to me to highlight a point:
Child support should not be conceived, I believe, as an income to the custodial parent, to be adjusted for inflation. It has to be based on what it costs to raise a child and the incomes of both parents. There are very few states in this US which applies these very common-sensical and fair principles to determine child support. Certainly not New York State.
Pierre
The new york state CS laws are a racket, first of all my ex quit her job and been staying home for the past 5 yrs, she claims that she injured herself. My 2 kids are 23 and 20 and I am still paying for the one that is 23 when i inquired about that they said it in the order until both the second kid turn 21. What a bunch of bull. I have arrears off 40k cause my ex continues to want increase for the past 10 yrs. I have tried to get a modicafication because i was unemployed for a year the courts railroaded me on that, so i had to pay half of my umemployment check. The courts are blood sucking just like some of the CS parents. I have to wait until next yr to stop paying child support while both kids have cars and there own apartments, there mother poisoned them against me and although i pay i dont see them. But what goes around come around they say. I pay $1500 a month for both kids and the blood sucker want more including interest on the arrears. What a joke
seriously? Lets see…..My ex just bought a bigger house, garnishes 35% of my wages after taxes, took my retirement, sent them to private school (and refused to pay the tuition! $4000 a year!), took all the equity in MY house before I even married her and holds my kids against me. She also maxed out our credit cards so I would have to pay half of whatever she bought before the divorce! My kids have to see their dad “living” in a 2 bedroom apartment. I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. I can’t afford to go out. I am a 40 year old teacher in NY eating Ramen noodles and pretty much left for dead. Thank you NY for supporting my cheating ex. Even worse is that I have my kids most of the summer and see them almost everyday. They stay over my house 4 nights a week! WTF am I paying her for?????
I ve bee writing to the senators for years to nothing in relief my kid turned 18 graduated came to live with me immediately now I am going for support just to put the pig in her place all the years of saying I make two to three house payments a month numerous blank paychecks zeroed unemployment checks and jail when they made me lose my job.she works the system well small part time job at times when the kids r outta school of course don’t want full time shed get lowered. third husband second one like me one kid .who lives like a king?now she is telling my kid to do anything she can think of so she wont have to pay I always bought anything my kid ever had nice too on top of it.she is a real bottom feeder and now I cant wait to see if nys will put some screws to her we will see its PAYBACK time. all of these years telling me she wudnt piuss in my face if it were on fire.i will be praying that she will finally have to give my kid a couple of dollars
Good luck, but to be honest do not waste your time. Just pay the blood money till they are 21 (which is idiotic). Life is short, enjoy what few joys you can get. Love your children as best as you can.
Well I’m sorry all of you have to have these horror stories….. But for me I am a custodial parent and have my two sons and my ex lives in North Carolina and I live in New York. I work and go to school and I have been supporting my sons for the last 9 years by myself. He owes me 14,000 and I still don’t get any help and have an order just back and forth to court. Smh so there are people out there that need the support and don’t get it so all the men that are crying they are taking your wages for me I get nothing and work hard to provide and he gets to live working off the books ….
Ny law sucks my soon to be ex has been found in neglect several times and admited to me that when our child was born she had been having a affair with a fifteen yr old boy. Family lawyer tim curwins response is he don’t want to allow a test to see if I am even the father cause it would leave the child w/o a father. My soon to be ex jackie edwards aka strong boast that I am paying on a child that ain’t mine. The court of oswego made it so I can’t even afford to see the child by order I pay for her lawyer her gas to come get him and me to pick him up all cause I live in ohio. She has no finacial responsibilty at all it is all put on me cause she won’t get a real job but pockets thousands in taxes. When all figures added she has thousands more disposable income than me.
where is the fairness for real men doing right. How am I to defend myself when the courts made it impossible. Hell I can’t afford my lawyer now and she is just nasty and I did verify she was having that affair with a child.
I live in NY State and my income is garnished for the support of one child (I have 3). I live on Social Security Disability payments. The fater is a disabled veteran and works; he makes 10 times annually what I earn. Every time I get a part-time job within the earnings limit that disability allows, New York State garnishes THAT income for the FULL amount of the child support, even though I already pay the full amount out of my disability payments. When I try to get the garishment stopped and the overpayments retuned to me, the State takes months to do this. How can the State legally extort payments ON TOP of the payments it already receives?
I forgot to add that when New York State does repay what it extorted in double, sometimes triple FULL payments for child supoort, it only repays about 75%; the claim: the court ordered WEEKLY payments and since disability makes MONTHLY payments, I am always in ARREARS; hence the State needs to hold onto to EXTRA money in order to make timely payments. I think the State is using all this money to make interest off of law abiding citizens. I pay my support on time every month. How can the State then extort all my part-time jobs for the FULL amount of support every time I add a new part-time job? I have never felt so angry and helpless in my life.
Please read Bill S4547 sponsored by Ken LaValle, this might help you…please read, and if you feel this applies to you send him a letter in support of the Bill S4547. CG
Before my son was 18 I was paying $650 in disability benefits plus $200 court-ordered child suppot payments from my SS disability payments. Today I got smacked with a “COLA” garnishment; I received no such COLA benefit to my SSD payments. Now that my son is 19 his father is no longer eligible for those benefits. I supported Bill S4547, but it’s too late for me to enjoy the justice.
I am a CP who is in and out of court with my ex for visitation and support. There are two sides to everyone’s story. I left my abusive ex when my son was 3 months old and within weeks he up and quit his job of 5 years. He was able to skirt the system for a month or so, claiming unemployment until they caught on to him and stopped it. I was awarded $60 a week support based on the unemployment amount, verses the $150 had he still been working. That was over 5 years ago. I did not go after any of his assets, left the house and everything in it aside from our clothes. I just wanted my son and I safely away from him. Since then, he has worked and payed support a total of less than a year. His support has not been increased. He has had no consequences for not paying even though we’ve been to court numerous times. I moved home with my parents and returned to school to obtain my RN license. I worked my butt off, provided what I could for my son, and bettered our lives. In the meantime, my unstable ex has continued to harass, lie, and bully me. He fights tooth and nail for increased visitation and all the benefits of parenthood, yet doesn’t do a damn thing financially. To top it off, he picks and chooses when he will exercise his visitation. In the last year, I have received 6 weeks payments, and that was only because the judge threatened to send him to jail. The very week our court case was closed, he stopped paying again. Yesterday, I received a call from him stating that child support collection took his vehicle. He had the audacity to be angry with me. I am remarried and my husband and I work hard to provide a comfortable living for our family. Just because we make more than my voluntarily unemployed ex, shouldn’t affect whether or not he pays. Whether or not I choose to work should have nothing to do with the amount he pays. The fact that I work 40 hours a week and make a comfortable living shouldn’t mean that my ex’s support be lowered because he chooses not to work. Those of you with ex’s who don’t work and are raising children on your support alone, they are hurting your children, not you. Even if they were employed, your payments would not change, but your children’s quality of life just might. The size of either of our families shouldn’t affect the amount he pays. Children, whether they live with you or your ex, still cost the same to raise. If you can’t afford to take care of the children you already have, why continue having them? It is a known fact that support payments don’t decrease or increase because one parent decides to have more children with another person, yet I hear NCP complaining about it all the time. Each of us here chose to have children with our ex’s. As much as we love our children, we obviously feel we’ve make poor choices in who we had them with.
I came across this thread while trying to research methods NYS uses to collect support. After reading all the posts here, or at least the intelligible ones, I have to say that for every person who feels they are getting screwed by the courts and are over paying, there is at least one who’s ex is screwing their children by not supporting them.
I honestly believe that some poeple are too ill to work through no fault of their own. Does that mean they shouldn’t have children? What if they had those children before they became ill? Why should one parent become impovrished by the other parent’s greed when the child they share is taken care of, has everything he needs and many luxuries? What if that child was taken away from an ill mother because the father felt superior? Should she be required to pay? I don’t think so. Any parent who goes afte an absent parent just to get a few more dollars is teaching the child that the absent parent is good for only one thing: money. Instead, he (or she) should teach the child to cherish the mother (or father) and to feel compassion for the parent’s inability to provoid lots of extra money. I don’t believe that NYState should have the right to extort money from my paycheck at the State’s whim and without informing me. In NY we don’t even have the option of self-pay. When I got behind on arrears due to disability the State took my passport, my driver’s liscense, and almost threw me in jail. Is that good role-modeling for a child? I don’t think so.
I agree with your thoughts on children cost and they should be taken care of regardless of whether or not the couples who’ve had them are together or not. The problem most of come across as NCP is that the CP abuses the the laws governing the child support. Taking care of your child from an outside household should NOT mean you should live your life on your knees because the CP wants to be spiteful. The children ARE the most important element in this entire farce yet it’s really not them that benefits at least not from the financial fleecing the NCP endures to where they are unable to do anything worthwhile with their kids because they just don’t have financial resources for entertainment purposes.
Hi John– NY requires child support payments until the child is 21, not 18, unless he is fully emancipated. You would be required to pay arrears if she petitioned the judge for back payments. Keep in mind that the money belongs to the child; it is the child’s right to get that money no matter what agreements have been forged between the parents–that is the law. There are no limitations for the child being able to collect this money on the State’s behalf. Hopefully your X will be rational and stick to the agreement to which she committed. On the other hand, you may get a rational judge who upholds the CS provisions in the divorce decree. I hope you do. NYS is out to screw the absent parent and it treats us like criminals.
I know this is a little old but, I also pay support in nys, i am also a female, my ex took my daughter and ran off with my best friend refuses to let me see her, i dont have to pay too much bc i dont make alot but its about half my check, they are so concerned about the kids, but i have 2 kids at home i cant take care of bc of this one kid! I also can not take him to court unless i have his address? i have no idea where he is, how the hell do i modify this so i dont get sent to jail? i feel like they want us to go to jail, i feel like its a trap! i totally understand what u are going through its really really hard and they break the rules in so many ways, i read they cant take more than 50 percent of your income, and i also read they cant put u in poverty which is what they are doing to me with the medical! I think we are totally treated unfairly and they never hear our side and i think tis bc we dont have custody so we must be bad parents or something! this makes me angry, somethings gotta give right?
oh just so everyones clear, there was no reason he took her away from me, he lied and said i was doing drugs and once i proved myself he was gone!
The people who siffer the most in these scenarios are the children. They grow up with the idea that one parent is bad and one parent is good. This scale of values is based on $ money: My son’s father tells him that I’m “evil” because I don’t give him all my money; meanwhile my son watches me struggle from month to month, sometimes without food and certainly without housing of my own, while he struts around in a pair of designer jeans. A case worker from our county child support office finally called me to explain why the State garnishes all my of jobs for the FULL ammount of support: She said that a computer runs this system and automatically deducts the full CS obligation from every paycheck with every business with which an SS number is connected because some parents can’t pay the full amount from just one job. Ha ha! No wonder, right?! She said that the agency keeps one full obligation for parents who are paid monthly but have weekly obligations; so each month there’s the full support amount sitting in your account from which the pay is drawn weekly; meanwhile the “extra” money the State gets is invested so it can reap the interest and keep it. I guess that’s how they pay all the nasty drones who run the agency. What’s so devestating is the reality that my son will return home after college and I’ll have to keep paying until he’s ready to move out of his father’s house. He can’t live with me because I don’t have housing! He could be 30 and I’d still be paying. Or he could decide to get a Master’s or a PhD and I’d have to pay child support through those degrees–until the child is emancipated. Also, I’m obligated to pay his college tuition, by law, even though married couples are under no such obligation! (Of course his tuition is already paid through his father’s Veternan’s benefits.) Can you believe it? We are hostages of the State. Criminals. I can’t even travel without my passport being checked to see if I’ve paid my support. I have, I’m sorry to say, developed actual feelings of hatred for my son’s father and this is a terrible way to raise a child.
I see and understand Everyones Anger towards the system, Im angry as well and practically new to this CS sys which ive already experienced the Law Favoring the Deadbeat Mom who refuses to work and has another child by another man prior, but lied and said she cant have anymore children . Mind you we were never involved and we hardly knew each other. Long story short this woman, unbenounced to me, happens to be a career breeder. Who has children for money, playing the sys to her advantage
Anyway, i wont be a victim to the sys, EVERYONE we need to find a solution and put into action a law that protects the non-costodial parent who is there for their child, but gets RAPED by the sys.
Instead of Complaining about the problem…Lets find a solution and CHANGE the problem !!!!!!!…….
This System is in support of the downfall of our society as we know it! Which starts in the Family Setting
A Family that Prays together Stays together and a Family that Fights someone is going to lose their Rights…..
I’ve been reading the comments that have been posted by both sides of the proverbial coin and I’m compelled to believe that non custodians are screwed over way more then the custodial parents. While I’m not suggesting in any way that custodial parents deserve to feel the pains of non custodial parents I AM stating that NYS child support enforcement has definitely missed the intended mark when it comes to allocating support. It is heavy handed towards noncustodial parents and certainly NOT taking the children’s best interest into consideration. With that said I’d like to say that as a non custodial parent who has paid for 2 children from the ages of 1 & 2 who are now 20 & 21 I have to attest to the fact that the only thing that NYS child support has been able to do was ruin my financial life and allowed for their mother to manipulate the system at her whim. No matter what I tried to do she thwarted my every attempt and the state of New York allowed it. I lost everything I tried to gain through my hard work and efforts. The state of NY had no cares as to what my needs or responsibilities were just as long as I paid my monthly child support obligations and boy they are at that 65% mark! I have been repoed, lost my apartments, credit score has tanked, my marriage also went to the toilet due to financial disputes because my wife couldn’t understand how and WHY my support obligations were not and have not been reduced. Let me add that I’m NOT in arrears never have been, never claimed my daughters towards taxes and I have never claimed them during the year to be taxed less off my pay check. I have worked for the city for 21 years ironically I’d gotten employment because my eldest child was on the way and I needed gainful employment because as my father informed me “you can’t just have kids and not expect to care for them”. I have had them under my medical plan from birth and they are both currently still covered. CS has never ever been fair towards the fathers or most non custodial parents in the state of NY, it has only succeeded in degrading and decimating the financial self worth of the paying parent regardless of you being a good parent or not. Even though I will never benefit from any measures that would call for reform to the current system I support ANY measures presented to effectively change this horrible cycle that has done nothing but ruin people’s lives some beyond repair. This year 2013 will be the final year that I will be required to pay child support as my 2 girls will be 21 & 22 this year and both are of the same order so I’m through, but for those still going and just beginning I will forever be in support of changing the laws to evenly distribute the burden of child support. BOTH parents should have equal footing in the financial aspects not just one while the other either abuses the system or the system unfairly abuses the paying parent. BE STRONG MY FELLOW CS PAYEES WE WILL PULL THROUGH WITH LEGAL LEGISLATION AND WE MUST WRITE TO OUR POLITICAL ALLIES AND GOVERNING BODY TO PUSH FOR FAIRER SUPPORT RULES!!!!
I’m a non-custodial parent in New York State and as I understand it, I’ll be paying until my son is out of college, or out of “higher education” regardless of his age. Isn’t it true that in NY State the non-custodial parent has to pay as long as the “child” is enrolled in school? My son plans to go right from his undergraduate degree to his master’s degree and according to the law as I know it, I’ll have to keep paying until he either graduates or emancipates; but as long as he’s in school and living with his father, I’ll have to pay–even into his 30s. It used to be that you paid until the “child” was 18; then 21; NOW you pay until they’re emancipated–which could be a long, long haul. Is anyone else familiar with the law as such?
Yes I’ve been dealing with this bull for years and I’m pretty familiar with the laws unfortunately against these bias laws non custodial parents don’t stand a chance. Well in your case it’s true as long as the child is in school you would have to pay support but there’s good news once the child is 18 you can deal directly with the child and no longer have to deal with the custodial parent hopefully u can reach a deal with the child to have the support dropped . If a deal cannot be reached still file for a downward modification after the age of 18 you no longer have to pay 17 percent I hope this was helpful to you
Hi, I have been going crazy trying to find an answer to a very simple question. The child support helpline was no help.
I was divorced in 2004. In my agreement it says that I pay until my child is 21 ONLY if that child is going to college full time. It also says that I stop paying child support for that child at age 18 if she doesn’t attend college and works full time.
Well, much to my disappointment, she chose to quit school, is 18 and has been working full time for three months. ( I would have preferred her staying in college)
Do I now stop paying the child support for the 18 year old? In other words, being that its in the agreement, do I just do it? Or do I have to go to court to get permission to do it?
I was going to send 17% starting this month just to pay for my 16 year old sons child support instead of the ususal 25% that I’ve been sending.
My ex wife says that I can’t just do that even though its in the agreement and that she’ll take me to court if I don’t send the full 25%.
Stop paying or file a petition to stop. You don’t owe support past age 18 unless the child is attending college fu time. That is New York State LAW.
Kathryn Kurtz PhD 845.729.6394 drkurtz@mac.com WritingUnderOath.com
(iPhone message may lack edits) _____________________________
thank you!
My ex lives in Florida and I was paying her child support, but when NY change the law to 21 she had the case quickly transferred over to NY. Now I have to pay till they are 21 or done with school. The only way I was allowed to see them was that I pay the mom or allow here to keep the child support money while I pay for their care which could be weeks to months at a time. As long as I kept my mouth shut and kiss her a.. she will allow me to see my children. I was trying to put myself through school so I was living off of loans and credit cards. And when I was finally able to gain employment she decided to go for more money plus arrears and told me it was nothing but business. I could barely afford the apartment I was living and soon had to go without heat or be homeless (I was living in an illegal apartment).
My son left his mom when he was 19 and later called me briefly telling me he could not take his moms abuse and is living in another state. For now he has no intention of going to school, but I hope he changes his mind. My daughter use to be honest with me and told me if the money was being spent on them or not. Now that she is 18 she is quiet now. I found out her mom bought her a car and leaves her alone. When I tried talking to my daughter about what is going on she does not want to talk about it anymore.
Before my son and daughter where telling me how their mom spends the money on her boyfriends or shopping, but now my daughter is silent where her mother is concerned and my son is full of rage, yet still fears her.
Months ago I spoke to a CS rep and told them that my son will be turning 21 and I was told it will end. Well the payments still have not changed and when I called again I was told by another rep that I had to wait till my daughter also turns 21 or is done with college. Wait?! I have to pay for both of them till they one them finishes school and are both adults and one is living on his own. I was also told by the rep that I had to prove that my son is living on his own and I had to also prove that he moved out when he was 19. How?
He talks me now, but he hates his mom so much. This is sad.
Can someone help me?
You absolutely don’t have to pay for “both children, only the one who is under 21. File a petition with the court where the case resides to have your CS amount reduced and bring proof in the form of a birth certificate to show that one child has turned 21. You should be reimbursed the overage, i.e. the amount you paid past the child’s 21st birthday; in fact call the support line and demand a check for the overage to be sent to you now.
Kathryn Kurtz PhD drkurtz@mac.com WritingUnderOath.com
We are paying $700 a month in child support for two children, which I think is fair, but we are in the middle of child support case b/c the mother wants more money, she thinks she is entitled to $335 a week. After paying $700 a month we barely have enough to cover our bills and buy food. She has 4 children, two of which are my husbands. She has never moved out of her mothers house and hasn’t had a job in the last 7 years, she always has her nails done, hair done, nice clothes and new shoes and not to mention drives a 2008 Tahoe. She’s doing pretty good for not having a job. I have 3 children with my husband and never do we need $700 a month to take care of all three of them. Child support should not be to help care for the children, not to pay the other parents bills. Regardless if a person has children or not they will have bills….those bills should not be included in child support.
Child support should be for food, clothes, school activities, medical expenses for the children…not for a car payment, or insurance, or to get the parent to get their hair and nails done or for them to go on trips.
For 19 weeks my husband was paying $500 per week. She was getting more money from husbands pay check then we were getting. We put in for an objection and won, but yet we are back in court again…..
We have been to court almost every year since 2007 and not to mention in 2012 we were in court January, March, July, August, September, October, November and now in 2013 January and a now new court date in February all b/c the magistrate keeps giving her more chances to show proof that her circumstances have changed and that he expenses have gone up… in the meantime my husband has had a decrease in pay at work. The money we are spending on the attorney could be going towards the children but because as she said, “I want my money” we continue to be in court.
The court systems are so backwards and is making it very hard for good fathers to be there for their children. I have written numerous letters and made many phone calls… only to get no answers and no help.
The only kind of help we got was when we filed an objection to the magistrates order and b/c the mother could not show proof of her circumstances changed we were granted the objection and luckily my husband was refunded all that he over paid so we could play catch up on all of our bills (the whole process took about 6 months. Unfortunately the objection doesn’t stop her from continuously taking us back to court.
The parent with custody should not be granted more money just because they want it. My job wont pay me more just because I want it. If the parent who has custody is not working a steady job and is complaining that they need more money they need to get a job.
correction in my first paragraph. Child support should be for the children…
Ny child support laws are a joke. They work against the father in every possible way. My husband has a son from a previous relationship, when we first for together he was paying $85 a week in child support, well his ex lost custody due to a child abuse and neglect investigation, and we now get $33 a week in child support. Most of the time that doesnt even get paid. Both times in court my husband got ripped apart. When we didnt have custody they told him if we didn’t come to an agreement with his ex regarding an amount, they would go back to his previous job and do the 17% off of that. So we agreed to the $85, now when we had custody and took her to court for child support, ahe requested a lawyer, the postponed court for 6 weeks, she showed back up with no lawyer, but paychecks from those 6 weeks showing she was “under income” because she works in the restaurant business and stopped claiming her tips for those 6 weeks. When we took my stepson off state aid health insurance and asked for the court to require his mother to pay part of his health insurance the judge told us she only needs to pay 29% because she doesn’t work enough to pay 50% and she’s not required to pay any copayments or deductibles. Child support should be 100% for the child, but it also shouldn’t matter whether the father has custody or the mother has custody. Unfortunately in ny it does matter. They like to screw over the father in anyway possible. They need to find a way to fix that because there are a lot of good fathers out there, that just want to support their children, yet still be able to live life.
Interesting reading through these comments…I am the non-CP, living out of state. The CP lives in NYS. Our relationship has been amicable, and my son comes here frequently to visit. We have a support agreement that we reached on our own maybe 10 or 11 years ago. I changed careers 5 years ago to something much lower paying, but she agreed to a new support amount and supported my career change decision. Since that time, I have only increased the amount once, by a little, but maintained my payments regularly even though I was unemployed for over a year. I have helped pay for things like athletics, braces, and other medical expenses. We are both remarried with working spouses and kids.
Now, all of a sudden – my son is 16 – she wants to drastically raise the support, and is willing to file with N.Y.S. to do so, knowing what they are like to deal with, on both ends. Given that I have been diligently paying roughly 17% for years and years, plus additional expenses, what can I expect them to do? Does she have to demonstrate need to get a new agreement after having our own for so long? Will they just go for 17%, which is what I already give? I really don’t get it, given our situation. My fear is that now the state dips their hands in, and she doesn’t end up getting what she expects, and it just creates a mess for everybody. I understand the need; kids ain’t cheap. 17% of what I currently make is really not much, considering. I just want to avoid the horror stories of 65% and stuff I’m reading about here, especially if he isnt getting any of it…
Unfortunately, NYS gets you in its system you become a criminal. You will not have the option of making payments on your own; the State will garnish your checks. You will pay 17% plus the child’s health insurance and college tuition. If you lose your job you’ll go to jail. They will flag your passport right away and your driver’s license. One wrong move and you’ll lose both. If you get a second job (which you’ll probably have to so you can afford to live) the State will garnish the full payment from that job too. Good luck getting it back. The judge will probably order arrears to be paid–the difference between what you’ve been paying and what the State demands for one child going back to the sate you separated.
That’s not very encouraging…it seems like in order for her to go after arrears she would have to demonstrate some sort of need, especially since she and I had a written agreement on the support amount that we drafted when we elected to not go through the state. She cant have said $xxx is fine for 10 years, but then go back and say, well, actually it wasnt. I have paid 17% most of those years, but not all of them, so I guess they could put the screws to me there, but why would they? Certainly there must be some sort of statue of limitations. I would think they would say, hey, you agreed to $xxx….Oh well, he’ll be 18 next year and I won’t have to deal with her directly. In the meantime I’ll try to persuade her to work together, outside of NYS.
I won’t have to get a second job, but if they took my passport it would make it extremely difficult to do the one I have. We’ll see…
Hi John,
Kathryn is right, it seems also on College tuition. On this matter too, New York State is the most repressive. Why would it be an obligation to send one’s child to College, while non divorced parents do not have this obligation?
http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/require-non-custodial-parent-pay-college-tuition
I need to stress again that in New York State, there is the law, which is biased and unfair, and there is what sub-standards family courts do with it, which is abysmal. If you can, avoid family court and go to Supreme court.
Good luck,
Pierre
When you go to court they won’t consider your past payments as a matter of fact they will call them gifts.
Wow, I can’t believe this many people have the same problem with CS! I was researching the laws because my husband basically got screwed in court yesterday. He lost his job of 13 years in January. He already has a new job, but of course the pay is lower. The judge refused to even listen to him because his ex-wife said she didn’t consent to the modification. Now I know there are good women who use the CS for the kids like it should be. She does not…she had NEVER worked, and lives off the CS, and gets medicaid and food stamps…even though she lives with a new boyfriend and they just purchased a 300K home (we looked online and found the deed with both their names on it). Meanwhile my husband, myself and our 2 year old son live with his mother because even though I work, we can’t afford our own place. We are looking into getting a lawyer, if we can find one we can afford, because he didn’t get a fair shot. He’s making 400 every 2 weeks and they want him to still pay 230 a week…that leaves us with nothing. And how come she doesn’t have to account for her money and expenses and what she uses the CS for? I know for a fact she doesn’t use it on the 2 kids, because not a week goes by when she doesn’t ask for money for something or have the kids ask when they come to our house every other weekend. They come over in old clothes while she wears brand new name brand clothes, has her hair and nails done every week, etc….If any one could give me some advice on what else my husband can do, that’ll be great. And I’ll definitely be following this blog from now on
Unfortunately Mercedes the best thing you and your husband can do is look into getting that affordable lawyer. CS laws in the state of NY are so unfairly disportionate that the only option for some type of fairness for you all will be with legal representation. As a non custodial parent the system has DEFINITELY screwed me over the last 20 years I’ve been paying. I had my daughters at 19 years old and am on the last year for the youngest who turns 21 this June and I can tell you going into the courts alone with no legal expertise in your corner is a MISTAKE! There is sooo much that I didn’t know then that I know now that could have possibly made my life easier all these years. However my time is all but up so since you all are starting from the BEGINING my suggestion is search for a lawyer who will defend your husband’s rights as a non custodial parent AND would be willing to work out a financial agreement with you to cover his fees because family court law is very expensive because of all that’s involved with it. I wish you all the best but with due diligence you can get this to be a FAIR arrangement.
I wouldn’t bother with an attorney to represent you in a child support matter. The law is the law–the law of the land–and a lawyer can have no effect on the judge’s obligation to enforce it. When clients try to context paying, judges hate it, and screw them even more.
CG
I agree with everyone who has written horror stories about CS. My son is in foreclosuer on his home because of CS. Senator Kenneth LaValle has a Bill S2005 in NY senate to help non-custodial parents. I have gotten friends and family to write him letters regarding CS, he should know of these issues. So please send a letter to him and support Bill S2005, more letters he receives I believe we will be heard…if we do nothing what can we expect.
I agree. If more people speak up the laws can get changed. Are there any groups out there working on this? This is the first time we’ve had a problem. My husband had been paying on time for the past 5 years…he loses his job and bam! he’s thrown in with the deadbeat dads and not given a chance.
I know some other people made a comment about getting a lawyer. As I w as doing some research I saw that if the CS payments would put the father below the poverty line, which is the case with me and my husband. So the judge should have taken that into account, not just dismissed the case. I found a few listing for lawyers in my area so we’ll see.
And if anyone knows of any groups working to change the laws, please let me know, I would love to get involved
Mercedes,
The best thing you two can do is go back to court. Like Kathryn states though, there is really no point in wasting your money on a lawyer, the law is the law. However you ca. Request a new judge. Go in with all of your information ready. Such as why your husband lost his job, how long he has currently been at his new job, all the expenses you two pay monthly. It will be a battle but you can get the amount you pay changed. Everyone needs to understand New York is not out to screw the non custodial parent, they are out to screw the fathers. My husband has custody of his son, and the amount receive in cs won’t doesn’t even cover school lunches. Thankfully we don’t need the cs to survive. However the last time we were in court, to try and get step sons mother to pay for half of his health insurance, the judge told us, that the state is coming around. They see more fathers getting custody and more mothers trying to screw the system. They are just looking for ways to legally stop it. It’s not the best answer, but it’s good to know that some judges see what is happening. Like I said before, don’t give up, it will be a battle but its a battle worth fighting for so that your family can live a normal life.
thank you. Its not like he’s trying to screw his kids, nor am I. I adore my 2 stepkids and do everything I can for them. I wish there was some way we could get full custody but I know thats wishful thinking. We do everything for them, their mom is always claiming she’s broke, but the kids always slip about something-like how she had no money for my step daughter’s school uniforms but was able to buy a purebreed puppy. Thats what aggravates me. But that kind of thing doesn’t get held against her. Meanwhile my husband and I must try to live off what would put us below poverty level and our son has to suffer because of it?? And by the way I do work as well, so its not like I’m sitting home doing nothing. I just don’t make that much…but we will continue to fight and I definitely want to get involved in trying to get the laws changed.
My heart goes out to you Mercedes. I was railroaded by the first judge who ordered me to pay 17% of my Social Security Disability income to the father as well as $650 in my son’s dependent benefits. On top of that I was ordered to pay arrears in the amount of an additional 17%–5 years prior. I was losing $450 of an $800 check! I got a new judge (requested) who was more sympathetic. He agreed that the father was deceitful. He still ordered arrears but in the amount of $50 a month instead of $200.
Wow Kathryn that is just insane. It amazes how a legal system that supposedly does what’s best for the children lets both mothers and fathers lie and cheat just to get extra money.
i worked six months in the last two years, i have not had a job or unemployment benifits in over a year, now i was served to go back to court next month what happens if i have no income. I am obviously being helped out by freinds and family for living expenses. I did send the custodial parent a couple of times in 2012, $1500.00 also did the same for my daughter in her name, does the court take this in consideration. and does anyone know what i should expect in court
Dave– I think you should expect to have the judge back date your CS obligation to the date you stopped paying. It will pile up in “arrears” and you will have to pay it with the regular monthly payment. If you have receipts for the money you paid I think the judge will deduct that.
kathryn thank you for the advice, anything else you know will mean a great deal to me,
Here’s what I’m wondering: My son will be in his last year of college when he turns 21; does anyone know if a judge will order me to pay past his age 21 to the end of his 4th year in college?
I have read most of these and I don’t even live in NY but their system is crap. My fiancée and I have his two children 5 days a week and he has primary physical custody, but because their mother is living on state assistance, we are paying HER child support for the two days a week she has them. We are living in PA for my work and he hasn’t worked in at least 6 months. We are living in an apartment half the size of hers with two dogs, two kids and the two of us. We struggle and live paycheck to paycheck paying for all of their clothing, activities and toys. On top of everything we pay for, we also drive 5 hours round trip twice a week for her to have the kids for her two days. She does none of the driving and asks us for cash when she is short. If we have the kids the majority of the time, at what point does their real well being come into play since we are barely making it by with bills and C.S? I work overtime every week as much as I am allowed to cover everything and we still come up short. We only have one car because we can’t afford a second one and even if we could afford the car, we couldn’t afford to put gas in both of them. In my opinion, the non-custodial parent is really getting the better end of the deal. Is that because she is the mom? Her history with alcohol and drug abuse keeps her from getting the kids more often or having joint custody, but I still feel like just because she is female she is being favored. I have no say in their agreement or in court because we aren’t married, but this whole ordeal is keeping me from committing 100%to this relationship. Is it fixable? Or do I just have to wait until the kids are 21 before we commit? (they are 3 and 5 right now)
I really sympathize with you Autumn. New York ourts do favor the mother for custody and cs payments; although I am a mother paying support I am subjected to the same wretched system as are the non-custodial men and I now understand that they are treated like scum criminals. Once you’re in the NY system you are, in fact, considered a criminal, and you’re only a few missed payments from going to jail. I was unemployed one summer and within two months cs had seized my passport; one month later my driver’s license; one more month and I would have gone to jail but my appeal hearing happened to fall on a date before my scheduled arrest. The father was living like a king and I owned absolutely nothing–I was homeless, depressed–and owed $450 / month. I’ve been in the rat race for 10 years; my son will 21 next year but he’s still in college so I wonder how the NY courts will treat that? Will they end support of force me to continue because he’s still in college? I pay so much more on top of child support, as you said–I pay for his cell phone, clothes, car, trips, cash. There is an end in sight, but you have a long haul. I suggest that you appeal. Different judges make different decisions. For example, I got my “arrears” reduced to $50 / month instead of $250 simply by changing judges. Do everything you can; do not accept this situation as it stands. What have you got to lose?
Can you send your child money in her name and be added in as child support if she is over 18 years old
No. Only court-ordered payments count in NY. I tried to get support payments to my two other children credited in a spearate case so that I could pay one father the percentage for three instead of one, but since the payments to the other children were not court-ordered the judge demanded that the one child be treated as a separate household and be paid the percentage for one.
I recently left the marital home back in August of 2012. Up until December I had paid Child Support without an order at $800/month for one child. Since December 2012 to present I have been paying a court ordered amount of $850. My ex chose to go through CSEU which is a joke in and of itself but now despite my payments I am showing in arrears in my new account. So of course I have had to send my cashed checks to CSEU who now tells me that it will take at least a month to process. All the while garnishing an extra $198 out of each of my checks creating ultimately an overage. I am currently seeing my son 3 times a week which I had to fight for in court. I will say that in my case as a result of all of my renovation/building in the marital home my ex is going to have to pay me almost 20k in equity for it or sell. I am currently living in a house of cards but slowly i’m bringing pieces together. Hopefully the child support will not exceed $1,000 for my son in the end. But I still have a couple cards up my sleeve for the final showdown. All I can say to people is that I have invested hundreds of hours to this beyond even the scope of my attorney. I have fed her everything. Hopefully I get fair. I do know that once this case goes from Supreme Court to Family Court those dynamics will change. Just to comment on a couple posts if your court ordered to pay $800/month. $800 /month is not removed from all of your jobs. Mis-information is why people say never read this stuff. Alot can be helpful but in alot of cases people make statements about what they think they know without the knowledge to back it. For me I’m struggling but a new life is beginning with my son. I’m now looking outside the box for “extra money” that can’t be touched. I’m just a couple months away from that security which will all but make child support dissolve. Unfortunately when you have a spiteful ex you need to strike back.
Had 50% taken for eight yrs. Had it discontinued as of 10/2011. Now they are back again for (alleged) arrears at 60%. Now have to consider quittimg my job and leave NYC. Check now $95/wk, and cheapest housing is a room at $125/wk and up. Add to that transportation for work, food, personal hygiene supplies and you get a hopeless situation. Don’t forget taxes come off the top so these S.O.B.’s get their nice paychecks.
I was married and had 2 children, the divorce became final before the 10 year mark, thankfully. I couldn’t stand letting her live off of me for the rest of my life.Anyway my youngest was only 4 yrs old at the time. We tried the regular visitation with a neutral drop off and pick up.for about 6 months. Then this Ass moved somewhere in the woods between Elmira and Watkins Glen. Visitation stopped but i was still paying support faithfully. I left the military and was unemployed for a while, tried taking her to court in Chemung County which was where the last order was from, I was told then, that if I didn’t know her address it would never happen. So a year later I still had not seen my 2 kids and I was still living at the same address. I received support court paper work. Needless to say, it was increased. Don’t forget the COLA, if they dont actually raise your support, they will bring you back for cost of living “ADJUSTMENT” so I mentioned that i have been kept from my children for almost a yr the judge said take her to visitation court. No problem since I now had her current address. 3 months later when I finally had my court date, guess who wasn’t there. They told me the mail was returned with no forwarding address. I had been playing cat and mouse with her and her address from 1997- present (Gotta love the N.Y. WELFARE system too)only exposing her address when she wanted more money. in 2001 I relocated to another state married again and had another child. All is well again, no more drama right? wrong, This is were the state bends you over and dry @#%$#@%^ you royally.
they wanted my tax return from the year prior like most times, but now they had my current wife’s income. which is completely wrong I feel it does not concern her money, since they didn’t add in my ex’s current husbands money. boy was I wrong!!!!! They factored what “our” bills were and took the %65 that they legally can.because my current wife’s income was now part of mine.
No dinner No movie No pillow talk after. I still can’t sit down without a pillow! my wife was contemplating a divorce because our daughter was going to go without because of N.Y. for a while I had 2 jobs to try to cover the money that n.y. took, but of course they just screw you again. “oh we see you made an extra 10k last year” yep I lived on about 5 hours of sleep a day for 4 nights of the week to help my wife pay our expenses” “you do know that we have to count that income when we make the order- lucky i was on the phone- my response? Awww Fuck!
I’m still dealing with N.Y. and her bullshit tactics even though I haven’t laid eyes on her in over 10 years.
Question: I am the wife of a father who has been deprived of even hardly knowing his daughter. He has been paying cs her entire life via court ordered wage garnishment. She moved out of her mothers home on 10/31/12 and the mother continues to collect & keep the payments. IMO a good mom would give the money to the child, it is theirs after all. How and what should we do to get this money directly to the child that now lives on her own in Ohio. Original case in nys where we live. The mother & daughter & their family moved out of state many years ago and my hubby never contested even though it was against the court order, among many other things the mother did not hold up her end of the court ordered agreement which my husband just let go.
WOW!!! Just stumpled upon this site and it amazes me how the system works.
We hear some much from the women but hardly from the men. Silence from the men is not the issue. The issue is that they are not being heard!! The system seems to lump all men into the same pool. That is not the case and it should not be!!! There are very much decent men that care and do what they are suppose to do but their voices fall on deafened ears within the system. The laws are soooo out of tune and dated. Now adays women work to and some make more then the man. It seems that the system only looks at one side, The side that has to pay and comes up with some off the limit amounts to pay when BOTH incomes should be counted,
Women out there get their child support but do nothing to give support towards
the child to see their fathers. This is a known fact! They want the money but
don’t seek out of that arena. Are there deadbeats out there? Yes, from both
sides..the man and/or the woman. Yes, you know who you are ladies…give them up and don’t want to pay YOUR share. Where is the news on them? Please don’t take any of this personal as this is coming from a factual side. Some woman just don’t push for children/parent relations and especially when they have a new family. It’s sad, but both sides have a share in this.
Ps…Here is an idea!!!!
To help with the economy child support should be taxed to the receiver.
They tax social security which was already taxed, you pay taxes from your
salaries, pay taxes when you shop..so why not child support???? Also the parent that gets the child support also claims the child/childern as a deduction at tax time. Tax that money as income as it is!! On forms they have an area where it says, add other income such as child support. INCOME which is exactly what it is.
And give the person that is paying it a write off and you’d probably see funds flow in.
Not a bad idea!!! Have to send to our voted in members to consider this.
I know for the ones on the receiving end…this will not fit well with you as you want it all and nothing to the other party. Interesing time but the law is dated and needs to moved up to the 21 century.
As a women myself, men don’t give up on your cause because if you do they win. GOD bless to all the men and women that are doing the correct thing!!
Have a great day…because it is!!!
As a woman who received child support I 100% agree with your statement!!!!
My child support was established years ago at 1300.00 a month when I owned a business that did well enough to sustain it.
I lost the business shortly after and sought modification based on my then new full-time job and the earnings I confirmed with tax returns. That income was half what I made when I owed my business.
Denied.
Arrears began to add up and again I sought modification. My driver license and professional licenses were in jeopardy of being suspended, which would further hinder my ability to work.
Denied.
My driver license was suspended and I couldn’t hold a job because of it. The arrears piled up. I paid what little I could, being jobless, homeless, car-less…
I was then incarcerated for 60 days for ‘contempt of court’. Funny that… somewhere in the Constitution it says ‘no man shall be imprisoned for a debt’…
After my incarceration, I found a menial job I could hold, of which 65% of my take-home was now garnished weekly. I sought modification once again, extremely expectant of being granted it because now the support obligation left me below self-support reserves and the federal poverty level.
Denied.
I’m now over 73k in arrears. 400 per month is tacked on in interest. I’m working as a day-laborer to whoever might hire me, and driving without a license to do so. I’m forced to break the law in order to make some effort to follow the support laws imposed on me.
Family Court and the judges and magistrates who make these flawed decisions need to go back to law school… back even more… and be reminded of a simple entry on a piece of paper known as the Bill of Rights:
****Amendment VIII – Bill of Rights****
‘Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.’
I’m not a dead-beat father. But god knows I am tired of being beaten to death.
….and I forgot to mention… COLA (Cost of Living Adjustments) have raised that support obligation to 1600.00 per month….
Again, please read the entry above about the Bill of Rights.
…and another mention…. Real criminals; car thieves, armed robbers, rapists, child molesters… they can get released after serving 2/3 of their sentence for ‘good behavior’.
Owing arrears… You serve the full sentence imposed. No 2/3 for you.
If that doesn’t turn your stomach in regards to how ridiculous, cruel and unjust family/support law is… then there is no definition to describe the block of ice that is where your heart should be.
I want to correct my statement above… I do have a driver license. However, it is a ‘restricted-use’ license. This means I can drive to, from, and even for my job if necessary. According to NYS, I can legally drive a company-owned vehicle during working hours.
I am a tradesman for 22 years and driving a company van full of tools and materials to various jobs is a necessity,
The problem lies here-in; most business/corporate insurance policies will not cover an employee with a ‘restricted-use’ license. This is mostly directed to those with such licenses due to DWI convictions or other serious motor vehicle offenses.
My resumes and job applications have been turned away and/or put aside in favor of those 20-25 other applicants with uncomplicated ‘clean’ licenses.
In my last visit to Family Court, my ex and her attorney were very understanding of this and actually asked the magistrate to lift this restriction so that my chance of finding gainful employment would be better…
However, the Court does NOT have the ability to grant this request, we were told. They can take it from me, put me in jail, rape my paycheck…. but can’t lift a restriction to help me better my chances to pay ?????????
Where the -F- does the stupidity end and common sense begin…
Hi RL,
Thanks you so much for your comments.
Can you be more specific? I would like to know when, where, how long, detention conditions, etc… I want to start documenting jail for “failure of child support payments” in New York State, as I believed it happened there.
Thanks again,
Pierre
It was New York, yes. Suffolk County. I lost a great deal of paperwork due to flooding here on Long Island, so I have to guess it was April 2006. I was sentenced to 60 days for ‘contempt of court’; failure to comply with the court-ordered support payments. I was sent to the Riverhead Correctional Facility. I had never been in jail before. To this day, I have no criminal record other than support matters. I was ‘lucky?’ to have a friend who is a correction officer and I was placed in what they call ‘The Pods’. These are cells with a two-inmate limit and something of an open-door policy allowing daily interaction with 50-60 other inmates; all of us assigned to a work-detail in the facility. I worked in the kitchen. Usually these assignments are reserved for inmates with longer sentences. Otherwise, you were assigned to ‘The Tiers’; general population where you’re locked in your cell for longer durations during the day.
I’m not sure how to answer the rest of your query beyond this: Jail sucks. Being stripped of your freedom, using a toilet while everyone can see, fighting for 2 weeks just to get your blood-pressure medication validated, having your pod ‘tossed’; torn apart and strewn all over during a general search…
Not to mention, while in jail, another 2 months of arrears were tacked on and charged interest, of course…
I’ve never committed a crime. I’ve never hurt anyone. I don’t lie, cheat or steal. I’ve served my country in the US Army. I’ve worked hard all my life. I’m a good man with a good heart.
I fell behind. We all do. But to be put in jail for it…
Hi RL,
I could not agree more. Nobody should go to jail for that and i am sure you are a good man.
I have a few other questions to ask you; who is the support magistrate who sentenced you? Were there other fathers in the same situation than yours in jail and would the be willing to write to me? Do you allow me to post on my blog about your story?
Thanks,
Pierre
Emily Pines was the judge then. I’m dealing with a new one currently whom I rather not mention as I have yet another modification hearing pending at the end of the month. I can say however, thus far, this one seems to be listening and her demeanor strikes me to be fair. We’ll see.
Yes, there were two other fathers in jail for arrears at that time. Both were able to have family/friends post a ‘lump payment’ against the arrears and were released. I don’t recall their names, but I can’t and won’t forget how blatant and disgusting it is that by paying money, one could get out of jail. Doesn’t that amount to the same as blackmail or extortion? Or would it be a bribe? Pay-off to parties to alter the outcome of a situation…
If the law puts you in NOT for owing money, but for ‘failure to follow a court order’… how is it that by PAYING money, you are released?
I also could have been released…. For 12,000 dollars….
I don’t know how much more blatantly Family Court can display a horrible and disgusting violation of the Constitution… and they themselves get away with openly extorting someone for money.
Again, I ask you to read Amendment 8 of the Bill of Rights….
The reason NYS can get away with violating our Constitutional rights via debtor’s prison and extortion of our paychecks (exactly what it is) is because people comply. We need to become activists, hold signs at the State Departments in Albany, and engage an attorney to file a class action lawsuit. I too lost my passport, driver’s license, and almost went to jail. I was reduced to homessness while my son and father lived in luxury. When I tried to see the son I was “paying for” the father and new wife forbade him. So off we go to court again and this time I win, although my payments were raised, never lowered or suspended. It’s a load of demeaning right’s violations crap.
Hi Everyone: Please send Senator Kenneth LaValle a letter or an email (LaValle@nysenate.gov), let him know what is going on in the Child Support, more letters he receives from us our voices will be heard. At the present time he is sponsoring a bill S2005 to reduce child support if the child is receiving $$ from SS, VA, Unemployment. I keep calling and writing letters to him telling him the horrors that non-custodial parents are experiencing at the hand of Child Support. PLEASE LET ALL OF US TAKE ACTION AND KEEP SENDING LETTERS AND EMAILS TO THE SENATOR. 188 STATE ST, RM 806 LEGISLATIVE OFC. BLDG., ALBANY, NY12247. Thank you, CG
I have been paying child support for 13 years and never missed a payment. My devource is cuz my ex wife decided to cheat and be with her new b/f (shemardied cheated and remarried another man on him). When my ex descovered, through my children I’m guessing, that I lost my reciepts for child support payments she took me to court and told them that I hadn’t payed in thirteen years. Hear is what no body bothered to ask “why did she wait so long to say something?” Well I’m stuck paying back support and the current amount. That’s where the 65% that’s talked about. On top of my current payment of 25% I have to pay an additional 50% of that. Now I don’t make much money as is and I have three children with my current wife who has a bone disease and cant work. When this was mention to the court I was told to get another job. I already work 60 + hours a week as it is and now the state wants to claim my assets, my car, etc… my ex makes more money than I do and her 3rd husband also makes more than I do. Maybe this should be taken into account. I ran the numbers and I would bring home more money if I got a minimum wage job and worked only 40 hrs. How does that work? And not to mention it depends on the judge there are judges who just don’t want to allow fathers to have their kids. Both of my children have told me that her new husband likes to point his gun at them and pull the trigger, just to scare them for laughs. When this was mention (with proof from c.p.s. mind you) the children’s law guardian and judge saw no problem and I lost my case.
I guess in some cases one of your children should actually be shot in order for anything to happen.
What that last part has to do with child support… nothing, except to say that some of you are griping over a couple bucks. Just be thankfully your kids aren’t in a nightmare with no legal way out.
And btw I get 26% of my check after taxes due to the ex’s lies in court.
I forgot to mention that I had lost my job for three months and fell further behind. That’s why I’m assuming that the state wants to take my assets.
I do fear that I may be sent to jail.
and my comment on “some of you” is lent for only the ones who are hear just to gripe about what they are paying.
Just keep good records if the state isn’t taking support yet and DONT loose them.
Most of all single fathers are forced to suffer will be separated from there children have there child’s savings stolen and looted by selfish parties this is the true price a single dad must pay to care for there children save them teach them raise love them support them shame on the parties who use children to profit of this sorrow these are the real deadbeats
Marvin Gave
When I look at the world it fills me with sorrow
Little children today are really gonna suffer tomorrow
Oh what a shame, such a bad way to live
All who is to blame, we can’t stop livin’
Live, live for life
But let live everybody
Live life for the children
Oh, for the children
You see, let’s save the children
Let’s save all the children
Save the babies, save the babies
If you wanna love, you got to save the babies
All of the children
But who really cares
Who’s willing to try
Yes, to save a world
Yea, save our sweet world
Save a world that is destined to die
Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Oh, oh dig it everybody
OMG… the fun just doesn’t stop…
As I posted previously, my license is restricted due to arrears. Well… it gets better…
I got a ticket… a no-seat-belt ticket.
Under the conditions of the restricted license, if I get a ticket, my license is suspended.
Ok… fine. My bad. Everyone gets a ticket sooner or later. Seat belt, cellphone, stop sign, speeding… you get it. Normal, everyday stupid thing you get caught for.
I pay the ticket, and figure I have to go and pay whatever hundreds more dollars (that I already dont have but will have to beg, borrow and steal for) it will cost to re-instate my restricted license, so that I can continue to go to-from-and drive for work. To pay my child support…
I was told this today at the New York State Dept. of Motor Vehicles:
“By getting that ONE ticket… my license is now REVOKED; and because the matter is child-support related, I CANNOT have a driver license until the arrears are satisfied. No ifs-ands-or-buts. Just…. NO.”
One-strike… I’m out. Indefinitely.
So now… my insurance is going to cancel me. I have to surrender the plates to my vehicle. I’ll have to inform my employer I cannot drive the work van anymore… which pretty much guarantees my termination.
Which guarantees the 800+/month I have been paying in support will disappear.
Seat-belts save lives, yes. I didn’t realize just how very true that is now. Because failure to wear mine has pretty much just killed me.
Thank you New York Family Court… thank you for making it impossible for decent hard-working guys to keep their jobs. I’m sure I will be put in jail in due time for contempt in not paying support. While there, no money will be paid, arrears will grow, and when I get out… I’ll be put right back in.
Thanks for reading. I’m going to go puke now.
I read your post and I feel so mad for you. I lost my passport and licesnse and almost went to jail for arrears after I lost my job. Something has got to be done about this Marxist-Lenonist NY child support system. Perhaps we should chain ourselves to the building in protest… It’s time.
Question for all:
Contempt of court… is a criminal charge, yes? Has to be, as you can be incarcerated for it?
That said, under the 6th Amendment, I have the right to a trial by jury, yes?
I’m really hoping this applies… because I think a group of normal people should sit and hear how really twisted and malicious family court law is and has been… and those normal people I’m sure would agree how fouled and flawed the system truly is and rule in my favor.
For that fact, I wonder if I could sue the Family Court system in whole for violating my rights under the 8th Amendment, for imposing unfair and excessive fines, by putting me in jail, yet giving me the chance to pay 12K to get out… again, I think a group of normal people would agree it amounts to extortion, and rule in my favor.
If this is a valid and possible approach, maybe then when hundreds of fathers in my same situation started suing… and winning; costing the state millions upon millions of dollars… I’m sure then child support laws would become a front-runner for change in Albany.
The problem with suing the courts for violation of our Constitutional rights is that the majority of judges are left-wing liberals who dpn’t believe in the Constiution and who want to spread the wealth. Like the IRS, extortion is the means to the end–individuals be damned!
I answered my own question doing some research…
The Supreme Court basically deemed ‘contempt charges/punishments which impose a sentence of less than 180 days is not subject to the 6th Amendment ‘right to trial by jury’.
This is so that the courts are not bogged down with trial hearings, and allow the courts to basically ‘run smoother’.
So much for the idea of being heard by a group of normal people…
I have a 14 year old and 13 year old who I have no parental rights to and also have a restraining order….back in 2009 I received a letter from cps that my ex had been charged with neglect I fought and won custody two months later my oldest son touch my youngest son that I have with my wife what I mean by touched is he molested him I called his therapist and his therapist removed him from the home not even a month later my now 13 year old touched my daughter who I have with my wife he was removed …I went to meeting to get them counseling to help them cause we found out their mother was molesting the oldest boy and he was molesting his brother while in the home with their mother so that where all the sexual abuse started …so now I fought in and out of court to get them help dss and cps said they were gonna get them help and for two years they never got help so now we are in the year 2011 im sittin in a meeting in dss with their lawyer and mine and cps and foster care …being told they been in foster care to long and need to come back into my home I said no cause the boys havnt received the help they needed and ther was no guarantee they wouldn’t act out sexually again so with me saying that I was told that they were going to file neglect against me and I would lose the kids I have with my wife unless I signed over all parental rights ..so I did …when in court the day I signed my rights over I got hit with the restraining order and now just three days ago in get a violation of support in the mail and have to be in court the 25th of this month ,,,I only wanted what was best for my oldest boys there mother is a screwup they are still in foster care separated and so is her daughter who she had with another man I don’t understand why they keep coming at me with the child support just leave me alone they gotwhat they wanted ,,,,me and my wife have three children and I have a 14 year old step daughter my wife works a a nursing home and im a stay at hom dad who had a mini stroke three years ago arthritis in my spine …I have nothing to give I need help